Things I’m currently annoyed at @mulan about
- She doesn’t realize that for me, mild annoyances are best treated by not making a very big deal of them, rather than calling back so quickly and in the spirit of trying to make things better, and in the course of doing that, shooting off in a completely different direction. When I say it’s not a big deal -> she goes and makes it an even bigger and bigger deal
- Counterpoint: She thinks that will make it better, and talking about it will make it better, which makes sense.
- I didn’t feel like I did anything—she took her annoyance at the fact that when she’s impromptu called, it hasn’t really worked, and pushed that onto our relationship in general and then directed that anger towards me. I didn’t do anything?
- “I don’t get why you can’t seem to like”
- Saying that we both got into this argument, but then approaching it in such a self-centered way
- “Apparently that means nothing to you, except annoyance”
- Expecting me to notice this huge sacrifice that she’s making for me, while not thinking about that maybe the way she’s doing it or the way that she’s approaching it might not be the best thing for both of us
- In general, thinks that if she tries something, and it doesn’t work, then it’s reason enough to get angry at the other person. She has no right to do that. If you want to actually sit and talk about things and figure out what went wrong, then don’t assume that what you did, even if you thought was right, was strictly good. Be able to have a different perspective.
- “It’s not like we texted 50 times, we just didn’t talk” - I was waiting for you to reply, because I didn’t want to keep having a one-sided conversation. I had more things to say than what I texted you.
I said
“I don’t like how whenever I call u casually it doesn’t work”
bc u said
u were annoyed bc
- I wasn’t replying for a day and a half
- It was awkward bc I called u out of nowhere
- I showed u to harini
my reply: I don’t like it when I cannot call u casually
reason: bc then I can’t even
talk it out w u
try to say sorry or make it up to u
try to solve it
fucking talk to u?
- No one said you can’t call me casually, and I don’t understand how “I can’t even talk it out with you” follows from the reasons I gave that I was annoyed. It literally seems like an escalation that came from your own mind.
I got mad bc
u were so fucking annoyed you couldn’t hear me
- Maybe I couldn’t hear you properly because the call wasn’t going through properly, and I could barely hear you regardless? Which happened twice? Which is why I said it’s fine, it’s not a big deal, we don’t have to call?
- Just because I’m understanding the practicalities of the situation doesn’t mean I don’t care about the situation. It would mean so much to me if when you were in these states, you could think about the practicalities and the realistic ness of the situation as well. You are never going to be completely right in an argument. Absolutely never. I am never going to be completely right in an argument either. When it’s clear that the main point of argument stemmed from a miscommunication, neither of us is communicating very well in the moment regardless, and we’re texting which leads to even more confusion, why can’t we just shelve the argument? Why do we alwayssss have to address it in the moment? You say I’m the one who always decides what we do, but that’s because in these situations, you just have one default response — escalate the argument further and further and further until I’m usually the one who apologizes. If you consciously initiated some other response than that, I wouldn’t have this tendency to push the argument till later in the first place.
It was interesting because in the course of resolving this argument, there were a few times where I had a lot to say, and Mulan just sat there and completely listened. I really appreciated it and it set the tone for the rest of the conversation, where a lot of the points that she was saying made a lot of sense. I made the parallel when she was saying that it’s hard figuring out what mood I’m in sometimes and that frustrates her, with the fact that a lot of the emotional problems that she has to deal with, it’s hard for me to present the best possible way to react to them, but I still try to. I think that she really internalized that, so I got my main point across. I also realized that it’s really dumb to get sad in this sort of recurring way when she doesn’t text, and that’s a really dumb thing to do. I wasn’t even that sad, but I’ll make sure it doesn’t affect my interactions with her in the future.
In other news - I was extremely productive with a lot of software development stuff - I set up bee minder, and I think it’ll work really well for my purposes. I’m not trying to give this random company my money, and not lie to myself either which is even more important. I think at this point the gym one might be the hardest for me to pursue, but I’ll try to go for it today (2/23).
uid: 202002220000 tags: #journal #edinburgh