Mulan’s talk with her dad about moving out

Mulan had a long discussion with her dad, where she told him his plan.

• Her dad first said it’s dangerous and stuff
• Then asked her what if he came with her
  • Discussion came to the possibility of him leaving her, when kids are gone
  • Wouldn’t want to completely dip, but don’t want to have contact with her for a few years
• Is she asking him that she’s going to go? Or just telling him that he’s going to go?
  • Basically decided, wasn’t even going to tell him, but telling him because of respect for him, because he’s a pretty good parent
• Discussion of Jun as a parent
  • Good parent, pretty strict
  • Mulan wished he would’ve fought more
    • He says he fought in many ways, but didn’t really work
    • They both realized it was a solutionless problem
  • Earlier, he was thinking what if he left, and took the kids
  • Also thought about leaving, but didn’t trust her with the divorce, didn’t think she was capable of taking care of the kids
    • Later got complacent with it, because didn’t think that there was anything else that could’ve been done
    • Everything that he was doing was for the kids
• Counterarguments to Mulan going 202006051006
  • Protests
  • Schools might open in 3 months
  • Maybe it’s because you’re stuck at home too much
  • Asked around, and people are willing to let her stay at their places
    • COVID is a burden, wouldn’t want to add a burden on people
  • You can stay here, and you don’t have to talk to her, you don’t have to apologize to her
    • It’ll be like now, you just focus on your work
      • Why do that, when I can do something better?
        • Might be a big mistake
    • You can just move out after a year
  • You wanted to go to Berkeley anyways, you just used this huge fight as a tipping point
  • Summary: A lot of stuff going on, food, etc, don’t have to cook, just focus on work
    • Would rather have the stress of fending for myself, than dealing with this situation
      • What are the nuances of the situation
• Things are different with Lilian, because she’s like that all the time.
• Things are different with Jun, because he forgets pretty fast, and there’s a lot of stuff with the house that gets paused when you’re not talking with each other, so it can’t last very long
  • Also, he tends towards inaction generally
    • Pretty hard to fix
    • If you wanted to, you could try to fix it
      • At the same time, you can’t start doing it instantly
    • He understands that he has the image of being weak/passive
      • Actually gets angry pretty fast, but pretty good at holding things in, and tolerating them
      • He thought that it makes him weak
        • Mulan says that makes him strong brave for other people
• Mom is someone who can only think in terms of emotional/personal stuff.
• Realizing that as she gets older, she’s similar to her mom
  • Dad said yeah, but you’re way better at self-reflection, which is what I say all the time too
• Mentioned a couple of things she did when they were younger, and it made Jun really sad
  • If something bad happens, Jun just brushes it off, but it made him realize that these wounds don’t just go away
• When Jun and Liz first met, she was fighting with grandma, uncle, etc.
  • Mom’s family would cut off contact for years, and some day something would happen, and they would bring it back super fast
  • When mom went with cousins to Napa, huge fights
  • There is no one that she isn’t a bitch with, including her own family
• When mom gets in fights some other people, and Jun says something in support of other person, immediately becomes about how he’s “betraying her”
  • Even in disagreements with grandma, if he’s supporting grandma, also betraying
• When he used the wrong dish sponge, she just threw the sponge in the sink and started yelling at him
  • Mulan realized that if dad wasn’t angry, then she won’t cause a scene
  • He was actually really angry, just didn’t think was worth it
• Interesting to think about what happened with her
  • Was like that when they met, which shows that Jun has issues too
  • Jun’s side of the family was very traditional and respectful
    • Thought she might mesh in that kind of environment
    • Can’t just change someone
• Jun told Mulan to not lose connection with people in Dongbei
  • Find Helena, the Australian cousin
  • Don’t let issues with the generation before you let you lose contact with people from your current generation
• When Jun was younger, he would get really drunk, and fought with grandmother
  • Would make him very nervous, and he would hide, so he understands what’s going on with Mulan
• Had discussion about politics again 202006080251
  • This time, the tone was very different 202006020038
  • Doesn’t think a lot of these issues will work, because left is so extreme
    • People are afraid of admitting they’re not PC, because they’ll get attacked
    • A lot of conservatives get attacked
    • Separate thing: People at Facebook are so transparent 202006042307
      • People were posting publicly, while Zuck was giving his speech, about how they’re so disappointed in him
  • Dad asked if Mulan agrees with Zuck
    • Zuck’s post 202006042310
    • Poor mans digging himself into a hole
    • Doesn’t really agree with him
• If you just limit to the statement about the police system being racist, then he would agree with that, it’s true, the statistics are true
  • I just don’t want you to be simple-minded, and I don’t want you to have a singular viewpoint
  • Mulan never things that one side is ever completely correct or incorrect
    • But when you were arguing against it, Mulan got mad because they were being extreme, and she was extreme in response
      • True of arguments in general: 202006042313
• Democrats think you have a responsibility to help people, vs Republicans think that people can fend for themselves 202006042317
• Jun thinks that affirmative action helps one group of people, while screwing over others (Asians) 202006050127
  • Did admit that the black people who made it out of poverty usually end up really good people
• Have go to and encourage the people to have jobs
  • Spend the money on education, make sure teachers are paid more
  • People are against the Democrats because they funnel everything into social welfare, instead of institutions
  • Institutions should work, but a lot of the time it doesn’t work
  • On the other hand, just socially helping people out doesn’t always work either 202006042317
  • See 202006042317 for other thoughts
• Jun thinks that the debate about transgender bathrooms is dumb, because it’s not that bad for people to have to go to the women’s bathroom
  • You should be able to handle it first of all, and bathrooms are built a certain way, because of convenience. It’s not that big of a deal
  • Single gender bathroom is fine, he agrees with it too
  • Doesn’t understand why it became a policy issue, seems extraneous
    • Transgender community was pushing for small things first
• Going back to the original point: Jun says that he can’t stop Mulan from doing it, but think about it a little more, and maybe wait out the protests
  • Mulan says that she still really wants to do it
  • A bunch of other people are going back to Berkeley, just because they’re bored
    • That’s incomprehensible to Mulan
      • Mom still treats them as children
  • Not even like she’s running away, pretty normal
    • Jun says it’s different because you’re basically running way, and it’s going to have consequences
    • It’s not an easy thing, and you’re still going to feel guilty, and it might make you feel worse
  • Mulan doesn’t seem like there’s any point in waiting, it’s always just going to end up happening
    • Jun admits that there’s no solution, he thinks Mulan should go, but doesn’t know how it could happen
  • Mulan still really wants to go
    • The longer she waits, the longer thinks might go back to normal
    • Mulan is scared that if the situation goes back to normal, then she might lose her motivation
      • Understands that it’s kind of like cheating her way out, but she’s still kind of nervous about that
• Mulan was really grateful that he let her just talk to her
• Lilian won’t care, she won’t be torturing herself over her for very long
  • Lilian doesn’t bottle things in, she’ll probably just fight her
  • Mulan told Jun to try to talk to Lilian more, so she feels comfortable having these kinds of conversations with him
  • Jun doesn’t think that disappearing is even that crazy, even for Lilian
    • Now is just not the best atmosphere for it

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uid: 202006042233 tags: #talks

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